Halloween is almost here but you haven’t got a thing to wear? Need some drop dead drag but can’t face the Gates of Hell at the popup costume shop?
Then Listen Up Witches!
theOUTfront is back with our fast, fab, and frightful good last-minute costumes that will get you to the ball in fabulous fashion.
Fasten your glue guns; it’s going to be a bumpy night!
Guuurl – On your next trip to the Piggly Wiggly, grab a couple packages of graham crackers. Put on a conservative suit and tie, a pair of sensible pumps, and a few strokes of mascara. At the party, talk about your Federal Abortion Ban in a southern accent while passing out the crackers to constituents and y’all are Miss Lindsey Graham Cracker.
Optional accessory: coat hangers
Write on! – Need something that also works as a boyfriend or group date costume? Get everyone an all-cotton white t-shirt plus a multi-color pack of Sharpie markers to share and you’re good to go. When you get to the party let people write or draw (whatever they want!) on your shirts all night and you become, Graffiti.
(Note: graffiti shirts are great party souvenirs and to make them last, wash new t-shirts before writing on them
What’re you packin’? – A quick trip to the office supply store for shipping labels and a few minutes on the internet and you’ve got the name badge for your dream side hustle. Add a brown shirt, brown shorts, and a pair of work boots and now you’re the official party, “Package” Inspector.
Yaaas! – Get out all the flags, bunting, festooning, balloons, buttons, boas, and whatever else you have packed away from last June. Give them second life this Halloween by upcycle them into the most fabulous, over the rainbow outfit imaginable. Faster than you can say, “seditious conspiracy” you’ll be a Proud Boy!
And Toto too! – Pick up several adorable stuffed doggies at a toy or party supply store. At home, using a thick black marker put a X over each eye. Next, cut the heads off a few, on others use a red marker to draw bloody wounds, and put them all in a clear plastic bag. Wearing a jacket, open shirt and carrying the bag of dead dogs you’ll be New Jersey’s favorite son, Dr. Oz.
Dancing Queen – This costume let’s you be the Dancefloor In You! Take two silver mylar mirror ball balloons. Next cut out two circles of black poster board slightly larger in diameter than the balloons. Using strips of black duct tape stuck to themselves create shoulder straps attaching the circles to each other. Glue one side of each uninflated balloon to each of the circles. When completely dry, inflate the balloons and you’re a living Disco Ball.
Optional accessory: your boyfriend/date dressed as a DJ (then again, they’re always optional no matter how they’re dressed)
First Place – A package of multi-color craft sticks, a white t-shirt, and some glue is all you need for this costume. Attach lots of the colorful sticks to the shirt in all different directions and you’re sure to be a winner as sprinkles.
You’re It! – You know you’re all that any man could ever want. Why hide it anymore? Simply hang a tag around your neck reading, “To: Men From: God” and let the whole world know You’re God’s Gift to Men.
Optional accessory: a large gift bow (tied where most appropriate)
Death Becomes Her – A quick trip to the dollar store for a cheap AF wig. an ugly as sin frock, and a skeleton mask and faster than you can say death drop, you’re a Dead Drag Queen.
How do to kill a drag queen?
Slowly look her up and down and then say… “It’s been done.”