The Gay Man’s Guide to Football
By Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.
Does the kick-off of football season have you looking at that black mess on players cheekbones and wondering, “why do they buy eyeliner and massacre at the dollar store?”
Do you imagine “training camp” is a place for wanna-be drag queens?
Do you think the gridiron is what your dry cleaner uses to press your shirts?
Do you think the difference between a fullback, halfback, and quarterback is a “Buy-One-Get-One half off” sale?
Then theOUTfront is here to highlight some the gayer points of America’s secular religion.
Jockstraps
Muscles — ’nuff said?
Football locker rooms – Best explained with a Broadway production number
Dat Ass!
Tailgating — Who doesn’t enjoy wrapping his lips around a great sausage or having a tossed salad before the “big game?”
Scoring — Whether playing touch or tackle, when you score, you WIN!
Manchrushing – Whether you like a tight end, wide receiver, or kicker who can drill it through the “up-rights,” the roster of beefy gridders is endless. Here’s a few we crush on hard.
Houston’s JJ Watt
Follow JJ Watt on Instagram
Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers
Follow Aaron Rodgers on Instagram
New England’s Julian Edelman
Follow Julian Edelman on Instagram
San Francisco’s Jimmy Garoppolo
Follow Jimmy Garoppolo on Instagram
Football is like sex — When played well, both are full contact sports that leave you sweaty, sore, and out of breath.
Fantasy Football — As in what NFL players do we “fantasize” are gay.
(see above)
Super Bowl (halftime) Parties
This post brought to you by the NFL*
*National Fabulous League
