Man’s Best Friend

by Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.

Whoever called a dog, “man’s best friend” obviously never had a penis (aka dick, cock, pecker, wiener, joystick, schlong, man meat, tallywhacker, John Thomas, and/or Schwanzstucker) and probably never experienced a blowjob. This is because those who have it, embrace theirs from the get-go.

It is an indisputable fact though that men are born with a penis. However, not everyone is as lucky to have gained orgasm through a blowjob and is unaware of this ultimate pleasure. This feeling can definitely be shared with their partners. The lonely lot need not be sad either, as they can feel it too with the help of a nice blowjob machine, maybe! Then their perception would definitely change about who a men’s best friend is!

Ultrasounds have shown male fetuses in the last trimester within Utero, having erections and tiny hands clutching on. By the time “the boys” drop around age 12 or 13 and the package is complete; the one-time friendship has grown into a lifetime obsession filled with prowess and pride with pleasure above all!

But what do we really know about every man’s penile pal?

Let’s start at the beginning, which usually depends on your perspective i.e., if it’s your tool or someone else’s, but in this case the word itself. Penis, typically referring to the shaft, is Latin for “tail,” while testes (aka nads, balls, plumbs, rocks, and/or bollox) share the Latin root for “witness” which according to Dr. Steven Lamm, MD’s book. The Hardness Factor comes from the Roman law practice of a man holding his junk while “testifying” in court. (Or possibly it was just a way of distracting opposing counsel millennia before “Basic Instinct,” but the jury is still out.)

Dr. Lamm also cites the men of Australia’s Walibri tribe who greet each other, by shaking Johnsons instead of hands. Apparently it’s not just gay men in America who enjoy this custom. Men the world over, whether ancient or modern, developed or primitive, all value taking matters into their own hands.

As for the actual nuts and bolt, everyone “says” size isn’t important, unless of course you’re walking around naked in the locker room at the gym. FYI… gymnasium comes from the Greek word “gymnazo” meaning “to exercise naked” (yet another reason to go Greek).

For most men, their left gonad hangs lower than the other. But in approximately 10% of men, the right one hangs lower, because they’re left-handed. Seriously, it’s a proven fact. But do the research, and if they’re wrong, it won’t be a waste of time finding out.

It has been said, “God’s only design flaw in man is that He gave him two heads but only enough blood to use one or the other, but not both at the same time.” It’s hard to argue with that. Considering the average erection only requires about two to three tablespoons of blood, it doesn’t say much for the brain activity of most men when it’s channeled to the other head either. Maybe that’s why most men wake up with morning wood and go to sleep after masturbating to some sexy porn video on a website such as XXX Tube 1 or having hot romantic sex with their partner. Nothing wrong with that, but it makes us think about how many decisions made by men are considered through the lower head throughout the day.

Penises don’t come without their problems however. Everything from a low sex drive to performance anxiety can stop your member from fulfilling his full potential. If you suffer from a lack of libido, you might want to consider looking into male enhancement pills such as VigRX Plus. These health-boosting supplements can increase your appetite for sex and potentially improve the quality of your erections. As with any health supplement, always speak to a doctor before giving performance-enhancing supplements a try.

As for length, width, girth, circumference, cut/uncut, ethnic stereotypes, and grow-ers vs show-ers, no study, statistics, or evidence is going to change the perceptions and preferences of anyone. He’s your best friend who has been with you since the beginning and will be with you till the end. Who else can you say that about? So like anyone with you through thick and thin, you love him for his strengths as well as whatever his shortcomings may be because he is yours.