By Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.
This year, the scariest house at Halloween is undoubtedly the House of Representatives. The Republicans in charge are batty; it’s filled with psychos who can’t tell a fact from a big lie; there are two catfighting witches; and a rotting, jack-o-lantern holdover in Florida tells them all what to do.
It’s enough to send anyone running terrified into the October night for the nearest party, pub, or club to forget it all. But before you do, you’ll want to look fabulous and on trend. So, with the witching hour fast approaching, here are our last minute DIY costume ideas you can pull together in the blink of a newt’s eye.
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Out on a Limb – A quick stop at the craft store and your nightstand stand for two items and you’ve completed this autumnal outfit. A garland of colorful leaves to wrap around your trunk and your favorite bottle of lube in hand is all you’ll need for OctoberFIST.
(Optional accessory: clothing)
Multiple personalities – From your wardrobe, pull together a shirt, sweater and blazer combo. Now add a cheap women’s wig, yarmulke, lipstick, and a pair of thick black framed glasses. Now introduce yourself using a different name to everyone you meet, and faster than you can say caipirinha, you’re George Santos.
icostume – An economy bag of sponges from the dollar store and some glue is all you’ll need for this outfit. Attach the sponges to a shirt and pants and you’ve become, Self-absorbed.
(optional accessory: a cell phone so you can ignore everyone at the party and read about what’s happening at it on social media while obsessing over how many “likes” you’re getting.)
Da Bomb! – For a nonbinary costume, grab a bright pink sweatshirt and attach the image of a mushroom cloud to the chest for a twofer, Barbenheimer.
(optional accessories: a blond wig or fedora or both)
Culture Warrior – This costume is as easy as counting sheep. Put on your favorite pair of pajamas, a sleep mask, and grab a pillow from your bed to show everyone you’re Anti-woke!
(optional accessory: A bottle of Ambien)
Sign of the Times– 2023 has become the year of the strike, so show your support for organized labor by embracing the union label. Put on pants, a long-sleeved shirt, sweater, overcoat, and a hat to proudly walk the picket line with this sign proclaiming…
Where’s my drink? – Last minute invites can be such a pain in the ass, especially if you’re expected to be in a costume. But this solution is as close as your gym bag or underwear drawer. Show up wearing only a jockstrap and when asked, “what’re you supposed to be?” Tell them, “What else? a Cup Holder.”
Fright night – Spend a little time on the internet collecting photos of the judges and prosecutors from all the Former President’s trials and print them out. Then attach their faces to a black t-shirt (or an orange jumpsuit) and become Donald Trump’s worst nightmare.
A New Era – The most watched football team this year only has two players and this costume is what has everyone talking. A red shirt with a simple message and Swifty’s the world will know you’re Travis Kelce.
(optional accessories: #87 on the back and his moustache on your face in case she forgets where her seat is)
Reading is fundamental – Whether they admit it or not, everyone has an EDO (emergency drag outfit) in the back of their closet or knows someone who does. Get all dolled up in it and head out. When you arrive at your evening’s destination, gather everyone around. Then start spilling the tea and tell tales on everybody like a Fani Willis defendant copping a plea. Go on for 60 minutes and you’ll be the ultimate Drag Queen Story Hour.