Football – A Gay Man’s Guide
By Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.
Does the kick-off of football season have you looking at that black mess on players cheekbones and wondering, “why do they buy eyeliner and massacre at the dollar store?”
Do you imagine “training camp” is a place for wanna-be drag queens?
Do you think the gridiron is what your dry cleaner uses to press your shirts?
Do you believe the difference between a fullback, halfback, and quarterback is a “Buy-One-Get-One half off” sale?
Well then theOUTfront is here to highlight some the gayer points of America’s secular religion.
Jockstraps
Muscles — ’nuff said?
Football Locker Rooms – Best explained with a Broadway musical production number
Dat Ass!
and Dat one
And All Dat Azz!
Tailgating — What man doesn’t enjoy wrapping his lips around a great sausage or having a tossed salad before the “big game?”
Scoring — Regardless if you’re playing touch or tackle, when you score, you win!
Man Crushing – Whether you like a tight end, a wide receiver, or kicker who can drill it through the “uprights,” the roster of beefy gridders is endless. Here’s a few we crush on hard.
Pick a brother, any brother
JJ, Derek, or TJ #WattAChoice
Fantasy Football — As in which football players do you “fantasize” about being gay.
(see above)
Football Is Like Sex — When played well, both are full contact sports that leave you sweaty, sore, and out of breath.
Super Bowl (halftime) Parties
Assuming the coronavirus pandemic doesn’t throw major delay of game penalty flag on the season, the 55th Super Bowl is scheduled to be played on February 7, 2021, in Tampa, Florida. The game will be televised by CBS. As with everything else, it’s anyone’s guess if by then, they can safely have a live halftime spectacular or if we’l be able to gather together to watch it and the commercials selling for $5.5M per 30 second spot.
This post brought to you by the NFL*
“Got Balls?”
*National Fabulous League
