The Gay Man’s Guide to Football

By Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.

Does the kick-off of football season have you looking at that black mess on players cheekbones and wondering, “why do they buy eyeliner and massacre at the dollar store?”

Do you imagine “training camp” is a place for wanna-be drag queens? 

Do you think the gridiron is what your dry cleaner uses to press your shirts?

Do you think the difference between a fullback, halfback, and quarterback is a “Buy-One-Get-One half off” sale? 

Then theOUTfront is here to highlight some the gayer points of America’s secular religion.

Jockstraps

 

Muscles — ’nuff said? 

(Photo credit: JJ Watt Instagram)

Football locker rooms – Best explained with a Broadway production number

 

Dat Ass!

Tailgating — Who doesn’t enjoy wrapping his lips around a  great sausage or having a tossed salad before the “big game?”

Scoring — Whether playing touch or tackle, when you score, you WIN!

Manchrushing – Whether you like a tight end, wide receiver, or kicker who can drill it through the “up-rights,” the roster of beefy gridders is endless.  Here’s a few we crush on hard.

Houston’s JJ Watt

Follow JJ Watt on Instagram 

Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers

Follow Aaron Rodgers on Instagram 

New England’s Julian Edelman

Follow Julian Edelman on Instagram 

San Francisco’s Jimmy Garoppolo

Follow Jimmy Garoppolo on Instagram 

Football is like sex — When played well, both are full contact sports that leave you sweaty, sore, and out of breath.

Fantasy Football — As in what NFL players do we “fantasize” are gay.

(see above)

Super Bowl (halftime) Parties

Feb 5, 2018; Bloomington, MN, USA; Super Bowl LIII logo at a press conference at Mall of America. The 53rd Super Bowl will be played at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on Feb. 3, 2019 in Atlanta. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
This post brought to you by the NFL*

*National Fabulous League

 

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