It was the gasp heard ‘round the world by millions watching the Opening Ceremonies of the XXXI Olympiad from Rio; gay men dropped their caipirinhas; and Meredith Vieira had a post-menopausal orgasm on global television.
The stunningly unforgettable sight was a shirtless, coconut oiled, Tongan flag-bearer, Pita Taufatofua walking into the Olympic stadium with a smile so bright it eclipsed the Brazilian sun.
But as the Olympic flame was extinguished at the end of the games, we thought we’d seen the last of our delicious Pita, for at least four years… or so we thought.
But guess who just qualified for the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea?
If you thought the story of the Jamaican bobsled team was unbelievable, Pita is representing the South Pacific nation of Tonga in cross country skiing! (Where you gonna find any damn snow on a beach, unless there’s four queens with a spoon?)
What is utterly mind-blowing is Pita had never even picked up a pair of skis until a year ago! In an interview with The Olympic Channel, he said
“The goal was to do it in one year, and we did it in one year,” he said. “We sacrificed everything to be here. Financially, I’m in the worst position ever, but I’m the happiest ever. There was the finances, there was the training. This was completely different. I had to lose 15 kilograms.”
Lose 15kg? where???
As much as we’d love to just sexual objectify this Tongan god for our fantasies and pleasure, Pita Taufatofua is the real deal, all that, and a bowl of poi.
In addition to being a double Olympic in both the Summer and Winter Olympics (Michael Phelps just swims), Pita is working on his Masters in engineering; supports himself by modeling part-time; and according generosity.com has ‘sacrificed his whole adult life working in homeless shelters with the underprivileged,’ especially children.
Mr. Taufatofua , Pope Francis on line one for you.
But Pita’s journey ain’t over. He doesn’t have the money to get to 2018 Winter Olympics. Wanna help?
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Read about Pita’s Winter Olympic journey via the WSJ.com HERE
Follow Pita Taufatofua on Twitter @PitaTaufatofua
How do we get this job???
Shhh… you’ll wake him.
(All images via Instagram)