Having an artificial tree instead of a real tree is like getting fucked with a dildo instead of a throbbing cock. There’s just no comparison. And one of the best parts of the holiday season is going to the Christmas tree lot and picking out the perfect one.
Any respectable Christmas tree lot worth its cocoa is ably staffed with strapping woodsmen at the ready. These rugged outdoorsmen brave the wintry elements day and night; their tools and rope in hand.
Whether you want it tall and lean, shorter with more girth, or the king of the forest, they’ll help you find one that fits you right. Then they’ll bind it up tight, and tie it down for the journey home where it’ll bring you and yours endless holiday pleasure.
(We meant the trees you naughty boys!)
Here are a few of our favorite Christmas Tree Hunks!