Nothing reflects the joy of home at the holidays more than evergreen Christmas trees. One can only imagine what Melanie Trump is reflecting with her “forest of the red death” motif for the White House, but I’m guessing the consulting design firm was Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Assuming you want a Christmas tree which doesn’t resemble a mass casualty collision, you’re left with the choice of real or artificial. Personally, there’s no comparison. Having an artificial tree instead of a real one is like getting fucked with a dildo instead of a throbbing piece of man meat. Not to mention one of the best parts of the holiday season is going to the tree lot and picking out the perfect one.
Any respectable Christmas tree lot worth its cocoa is ably staffed with strapping woodsmen at the ready. These rugged outdoors men brave the wintry elements day and night; their tools and rope in hand.
Whether you want it tall and lean, shorter with more girth, or the king of the forest, they’ll help you find one that fits you right. Then they’ll bind it up tight and tie it down for the journey home where it’ll bring you and yours endless holiday pleasure.
Here are a few of our favorite Christmas Tree Hunks!