Based on the evidence, We know Jesus was Gay

Written and Compiled by

Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.

  • Jesus had a domineering mother and a distant Father.
  • He turned water into wine. A straight man would have turned water into beer. (Not to mention, he showed up the host with better wine than was being served, a shady move to make any gay man proud.)
  • Until the age of 30, Jesus was a “craftsman,” which is just a euphemism for interior designer.
  • He spent the next three years with his twelve “buddies” sightseeing in a caftan and open toed sandals.
  • His buddies all went by their full names. Nathaniel, Phillip, Andrew, Mathew, Thomas, etc. Gay men are known for this. If Judas was into vajayjay, he would have been called Jud; Mathew, Matt; and Peter would have been Pete.
  • Jesus had an opinion on everything and thought everyone was entitled to it.
  • He saved a hooker from stoning, but didn’t fuck her afterwards like any straight man. Yet, he kept her around, aka a beard.
  • Jesus couldn’t just go to Jerusalem for Passover. Oh no, he had to make a grand entrance.
  • Only a gay man could turn a simple dinner party into a whole night of drama! (one that people are still talking about.)
  • Only a gay man would have a tiny waist and abs like his.
  • He went away for a three day makeover and came back so fabulous his own friends didn’t even recognize him.

Main Artwork: In 1974, home appliance retailer Yamagiwa Corporation printed 1,974 copies of a promotional poster featuring a Jesus portrait by noted pop artist Tadanori Yokoo. The poster depicts Christ in front of a colorful mandala-like pattern centered around an inverted triangle, which Yokoo described as being a Tantric symbol of Shakti, the feminine creative energy of the universe, though it could just as well represent the Holy Trinity.

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