While it seems like a lifetime, it’s actual only been 38 days into America’s self-inflicted punishment for eight years of recovery, decency, and progress towards a “more perfect Union.” Adding to our country’s downward spiral to yet a lower circle of Hell is tonight’s failing @ address to a joint session of Congress on national television.
But short of a miracle like laryngitis (Black Jesus, hear my prayer?), President Bannon’s burnt sienna Golem will flood the airwaves with his Alt Right propaganda, delusional “alternative facts,” and nationalistic fear mongering. Red-necks, White republicans, and true Blue Evangelicals will be having a simultaneous orgasm while raising their right arms to swear their loyalty oath.
It promises to be an unqualified horror shit show of Apocalyptic proportions, and we’d rather do just about anything else than sit through it. In fact, we made a list.
Perform a drag act on Russia’s Got Talent
Cuddle with Milo Yiannopoulos
Give oral sex to a cactus
Witness Kelleyanne Conway rise from her crypt and feed on human flesh
Shave our balls with a cheese grater
Go to Jeff Session’s cookout with an African American transgender boyfriend
Live openly gay in Uganda
Teach diversity sensitivity at Breitbart News
Clean the Lincoln Bedroom after Steve Bannon’s weekly human sacrifice to himself
Do gender reassignment surgery on ourselves from a YouTube video