10 Alternative Facts we wish were Actually True
by Lawrence Pfeil, Jr
- Donald Trump’s mother did love him as a child.
- The tattoo behind Steve Bannon’s ear is a Tweety bird, not “666.”
- Kellyanne Conway has a soul and can see her reflection in the mirror.
- Trump was wandering the White House in his bathrobe just looking for Mitch McConnell’s lemon party.
- Mike Pence is a true Christian, who loves his gay “neighbors as he loves himself.”
- Betsy DeVos has an IQ higher than a goldfish.
- The Administration committed $10M to the immediate cure of flesh eating bacteria which has infected Milo Yiannopoulos’ penis and mouth.
- Jeff Sessions will be a champion of civil rights and marriage equality because he’s a gay black man forced to “pass” in Alabama as straight and white.
- Sean Spicer always tells the truth or he receives crippling jolts of electricity to his testicles when he does not.
- Donald Trump “does unto others as he would have done unto him.”